The Signal: Identity, Trust And Mental Health

There are moments in life when a simple conversation suddenly becomes much bigger than grammar practice or vocabulary.

This morning's English lesson turned into something else — a mirror, a reminder, a signal.

And since I promised myself that my blog will become my personal notebook — a place where I save important thoughts, lessons, reminders for the days when life feels heavy — I want to keep this one here.

Because this one matters.

When You Realize You Are Not Who You Used to Be

We talked about The Signal — Episode 6, Season 2 of Ted Lasso. One of my favorite episodes. The storyline is simple: Jamie learns how to be himself again. Roy gives him a signal to stop pretending and play like the real Jamie Tartt.

It sounds like football. But this is life. Because at some point every one of us stops being ourselves. You grow up funny, positive, light — and then the world tells you: "Be serious." "Don't laugh too much." "Don't be too loud." "Don't be too soft."

If you grow up in sports, like I did, these messages become even stronger. And slowly, day by day, you stop being you.

I remember when I was around 20–22, reading a lot of books, learning new things, trying to grow. Someone told me: "Alex, you're strange. You always change your opinion. You are always learning something new." Back then, I took it as criticism. Now I understand: being the same person forever is not a good signal. Growth means movement. Movement means evolution.

But here is the conflict: when you finally allow yourself to be you again — people around you may not like it. They're used to the old version of you. And your freedom can feel uncomfortable for them. But it doesn't matter. Identity belongs to you — not to others.

The Power of Understanding Someone Deeply

During our conversation, my teacher asked: "How does understanding someone's personality help you give better advice?" The answer felt obvious to me — maybe because my whole life is built around coaching.

You cannot give advice to a person you don't understand. You cannot support someone you never listened to. Most people listen only to reply — not to understand. But when you truly listen, something changes. You see the real person. Not the mask. Not the performance. Not the role they are forced to play.

Real coaching, real love, real friendship — all begin with listening deeply.

Vulnerability: The Strength You Don't Want to Show, But Must

We also discussed vulnerability. It's funny — we all know that being human matters. But we are still afraid to show it.

Growing up as an athlete in Ukraine in the 90s, "vulnerability" didn't exist. If you were afraid, stuck, or mentally blocked — the answer was: "Are you stupid or what? Just do it." Nobody talked about mental strength. Nobody had therapists. Nobody taught us how the brain reacts under pressure.

Later, when I watched the Netflix documentary about Simone Biles, everything suddenly made sense. Mental blocks are real. Your brain can "bug" like a computer. You can lose control for no logical reason. And you can't fix it by force.

Athletes are not machines. We are humans with nervous systems. In gymnastics, mental health is not 20% of the result. It's not even 50%. It's 80%.

Secrets, Trust, and the Invisible Line

Keeping secrets builds trust. Breaking them destroys it. But what if the secret is a cry for help? What if someone is not safe? There is no perfect answer.

But I believe this: if someone's life or health is in danger — you must act. If someone is simply afraid — you must support. And if someone trusts you — you must honor it. Trust is a delicate balance. Sometimes you protect it by keeping quiet. Sometimes by speaking. And knowing the difference — that's wisdom we all keep learning.

The Teamwork Lesson I Learned 12 Meters Above the Ground

When I tell people that someone jumps toward me from 12 meters and I must catch them in the air, they think the hardest part is the physical strength. They are wrong. The hardest part is trust.

Because here is the secret: if both people try to "catch" each other — the trick fails. Every time. One flies. One catches. One acts. One responds. If both try to control — it breaks. This is the same in teams, relationships, business, coaching.

Trust is not a feeling — it's an agreement: "Do your part. I'll do mine. We don't panic. We don't overthink." When it works, it feels like flying. When it doesn't — nothing works at all.

Shared Leadership: The Level You Reach When Everyone Knows the Track

At the highest level, nobody micro-manages. Nobody babysits. Nobody controls every step. Everyone knows the music. Everyone knows their role. Everyone knows the track. You only give signals when something unexpected happens.

This is the dream version of any team — sports, family, business, community. But it doesn't happen overnight. To reach this level, you first need: discipline, repetition, consistency, trust, shared values, shared mission, shared responsibility.

Closing Thoughts

Today's conversation reminded me of something simple: we grow when we talk deeply. We change when we reflect. We evolve when we allow ourselves to be human.

A reminder that identity, trust, and vulnerability are not "soft" concepts. They are the real foundation of a strong, active, healthy life.

The physical and mental work together. If you want to start working on both, the Fitness Checkup is a clear, honest first step. And if you want coaching that treats you as a full human — not just a body to fix — visit Kononov Coaching.

I believe in you. And I believe in the power of honest conversations.

FAQ

What does it mean to "stop being yourself" over time?

It means the accumulated messages from environment, sport, culture, and relationships gradually override your natural tendencies. What you lose is spontaneity, authenticity, and the specific qualities that make you effective. The process is slow and often invisible — which is why it takes a deliberate "signal" to reconnect with who you actually are.

Why do mental blocks happen even to highly trained athletes?

Because the brain and body respond to perceived threat differently under extreme pressure. Neural pathways that were reliable in training can short-circuit when the stakes feel too high. This isn't a failure of willpower — it's a neurological response. Understanding this is the first step to working with it rather than fighting it.

Why does real trust require role clarity?

Because when both people try to control the outcome simultaneously, they create interference rather than cooperation. Trust requires a clear agreement about who does what — and then each party staying in their lane. The 12-meter high bar example makes this visceral: if the flyer tries to catch and the catcher tries to fly, both fall.

What's the difference between shared leadership and no leadership?

Shared leadership requires more discipline and alignment, not less. It only works when every person knows the mission, their role, and the standards well enough to make good decisions independently. "No leadership" is chaos. Shared leadership is the highest form of organization — earned through extensive trust-building, not handed out by default.

Keep Reading

• How A TV Show Became My Therapy — 10 lessons from the same series
• Top 5 Rules of Teamwork by Cirque du Soleil Standards — trust tested at 12 meters in real life
• Kindness, Leadership, and Resilience in Sport and Life — vulnerability and leadership in gymnastics coaching
• Life Lessons Beyond English Class — transformation, failure, and the Google brain concept
• What Gymnastics Really Teaches You About Fear and Growth — turning mental strength into physical practice